When Past Plagues Present in Dating

Last week I answered the following from a man worried that his past may have a bleak affect on his future.


I'm a single guy, never married but in the past I have a history of sexual immorality and a lifestyle that was in open rebellion against the Lord. I am dating a young lady who is struggling with my sexual past.

As we have come to know each other moving from friendship to dating, I have felt the need to let her know about my past.  This has caused her pain, confusion, and loss.  Here’s an example of something she expressed to me in a message:

"...I've always viewed sex as something profoundly SPECIAL for a husband and wife to explore together. And now sex in this context just feels pointless. If you've already explored all that already, what's the beauty in that? There's nothing left to explore together."

What should I do?


I feel the weight of your circumstances and am grieved for you and your girlfriend. It is common this side of the fall to find the effects of sexual sin marring dating relationships. Often one of the parties involved feels cheated by something the other did before they started dating. In our sexually promiscuous culture, it seems rare to find two sexually faithful (not perfect, but diligent) believers coming together in marriage. But the fact that it is rare does not remove the standard God has set for us in Scripture (Ephesians 5:3). And the fact that so few couples are unmarred by at least one of the partner’s sexual sin does not make it any less painful when revelations of past sin occur.

What then should you do?

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