The Power and Problem with Stories

When our son, now a college graduate, started being less than forthright about things in his preschool years, I reached for The Boy Who Cried Wolf to teach him the importance of telling the truth.

It was a bit challenging to explain to a 4-year-old what happened to the boy when the wolf really showed up and no one came to his rescue. But if Harrison could learn honesty by reading a story, even one that involved the demise of a naughty trickster, how much better than having to experience that pain firsthand.

Some might argue that life’s scary enough without reading tales of woe. I understand their concerns. I certainly don’t want to introduce nightmares, filling our kids’ heads with endless warnings of what bad things might happen.

But I do want them to understand human nature and develop wisdom. And there are lots of books well suited to the task. Experts agree: Reading is one of the best things you can do for your children. But what you read matters.

The bookstores and libraries are full of books for children—thousands of them. But not all children’s books are equal. With so many choices, where should you begin? There are gems hidden in the discount rack and a few stinkers with the Newbery Medal stamped on them. Knowing what to look for can help you select wisely.

Avoid simplistic moralizations—Look for stories that show, not tell. "C.S. Lewis said that no book is really worth reading at the age of 10 which is not equally worth reading at the age of fifty. Gladys Hunt, author of Honey for a Child’s Heart, says, “A good book has a profound kind of morality—not a cheap sentimental sort which thrives on shallow plots and superficial heroes, but the sort of force which inspires the reader’s inner life and draws out all that is noble.”

Beware of adaptations and retellings—New releases of old stories are not always true to the original. When the Three Little Pigs all survive by sheltering in the house built of brick, the lesson of planning ahead and heeding advice is blunted. Too often plots are altered to reflect modern sensitivities at the expense of the story’s effectiveness. It’s harder to find the original where the two pigs that took the easy route become snack food for the hungry wolf, but it’s worth the effort.

Keep it principled—Some stories give too much detail about painful subjects, subjects a lot of kids wouldn’t necessarily encounter in their everyday lives. Stories about divorce, child abuse, homosexuality and other “hot topics” prematurely erode children’s innocence about the world. Look for stories that focus on what it takes to overcome crises, rather than those that dwell on the crises themselves.

Avoid mere description—Some kids need books to survive. For kids who have experienced such crises in their own lives, the last thing they want to do is read books about how everyone else is equally oppressed. It’s not enough to say life is hard. They need stories of survival where characters persevere and overcome hardship.

The repeat factor—Like best friends, your children’s favorites will be identified and asked for over and over. It’s not unusual for a 3-year-old to ask for the same book 100 times in a row. That’s reason enough to make sure you choose books you enjoy reading.

The memory factor—Kids’ memories are amazing. After five or so readings of a book, many toddlers have their favorite stories memorized. Initially they may only be catching the flow of words, but eventually the underlying message will soak in and affect their beliefs. Look for books that are good, beautiful, and true.

The reality check—Kids want stories that are based in real life. For example, big brothers the world over know the power of their little sister’s whining. But that doesn’t mean you have to concede the point that little sisters are annoying and the best you can hope to do is neutralize them. One of our favorite books, The Little Brute Family, describes a typical sibling relationship where brother and sister push and shove and punch and pinch their way to school. Though the telling may be exaggerated, most kids will see a bit of themselves in the book, and it’s hard to miss the point that this family’s existence in a “dark and shadowy woods” is far from sunny. The ending is a refreshing antidote to sibling quarrels.

Books are friends, companions that will go with your children through life. Books affect their mood, shape their thoughts, and influence their heart. Choose wisely.