It's a Bird, It's a Plane, it's ... Six Planes, Actually

It was a warm, windy day with clear blue skies.

The perfect sort of day for looking up. (Even better with a hand full of chips.)

What were we watching?

The United States Air Force Thunderbirds!

Okay, that last image wasn't mine. I was shooting with an up close lens. Here's the shot I got with my camera.

You can kind of see the planes if you look really closely.

Every May, the Thunderbirds fly over the Air Force Academy at the precise moment the graduates toss their hats in the air. It's a stunning show from within the stadium. But even from miles away, it's quite a show.

And a LOUD reminder of the price the men and women in our armed forces pay to protect us. We are grateful. Thank you.

Behind the Scenes of the Boundless webcast

Last week the Boundless team pulled together their first-ever live webcast. The goal: to raise money for the ministry of Boundless. The means: amazing real-time technology. The result: a powerful look at the "life-on-life" ministries of Focus on the Family, including their Wait No More initiative to place foster kids in forever-families, Adventures in Odyssey, Screwtape Letters audio drama featuring Andy Serkis (voice of Gollum in LOTR) and a lightning-fast round of Q&As with yours truly. When I wasn't in front of the camera answering as many questions as I could in five minutes, I was behind my own Canon, snapping photos. Here are a few of my favorites.

If you missed the show, it's not too late. To watch the Q&As, just scroll ahead to minute 43:53.

I hope you'll consider making a donation!

Thanks for watching.

Boundless webzine's LIVE webcast

Yesterday Steve and I were part of the first-ever LIVE webcast from Boundless.org. What fun it was to be a part of the production. And it was some production! I didn't know you could fit that many talented people into one control room. The team behind the scenes did an amazing job of getting all the film clips, mics, people, cameras, and more coordinated. I'm not sure I've ever seen anything quite like it.

Unless, of course, you include the production that is getting dinner on the table in our kitchen every night!

Here it is, archived. The whole show. Steve is in the opening segment, with host Lisa Anderson (you may recognize her from the Boundless Show podcast). My contribution is at the end. We wanted to mix it up a bit from what I typically do in the Q&A online and for the podcast. So we landed on a lightning fast round of answering questions from Boundless readers. I think we squeezed in 25 questions in about five minutes. It begins at minute 43:53.

Enjoy! And if you're as moved as we were by the film clips and conversations about the "life-on-life" ministry going on through Focus on the Family, I hope you'll consider making a donation!

Thanks for watching.

Spring is Finally Here

Mere days separate us from the freezing temperatures that brought us hail and ice as recently as two weeks ago. But it does seem that spring has finally sprung here in Colorado.

Along with these dandies.

Which aren't really dandy after all.

Unless they're sitting in a vase by the window. Handpicked and delivered with a crooked smile and lots of love.

Spring's the perfect time to remember we're raising kids. Not grass.

How Kids See Things

Our recent trip to the zoo was a good place to see the wonder we've been missing.

Keep reading ...

Love in Any Language

Most women want to marry well. It's not just an American thing. That's why I'm super excited by this.

Can you tell what it is?

Here's another hint.

Got it?

No?

OK, how about this?

The cover's the real giveaway!

Now you know. Get Married has been published in Chinese! Thanks to Campus Crusade for Christ, Taiwan, the message of being intentional about marrying well for God's glory is now available in another language, across the sea!

The Pill Turns 50--Who's Celebrating?

I wrote a blog post on Boundless about the 50th anniversary of the introduction of The Pill, and specifically, Dr. Albert Mohler's commentary about it. In "I Think I'll Skip the Party," I quoted Mohler's commentary. He said,

The idea that sex would be severed from childbearing is a very modern concept — and a concept made meaningful only by the development of the Pill and its successor birth control technologies. The severing of this relationship represents a quantum change in human life and relationships, not to mention morality.

Nancy Gibbs [in TIME magazine] is fair and accurate in her use of my words and arguments. I do indeed believe that the development of the Pill “has done more to reorder human life than any event since Adam and Eve ate the apple.” Why? Because sex, sexuality, and reproduction are so central to human life, to marriage, and to the future of humanity.

The Pill turned pregnancy — and thus children — into elective choices, rather than natural gifts of the marital union. But then again, the marital union was itself weakened by the Pill, because the avoidance of pregnancy facilitated adultery and other forms of non-marital sex. In some hands, the Pill became a human pesticide.

The post, and his commentary, are stirring up a hearty debate — 155 comments and counting. If you're up for a good conversation, and especially if you have thoughts about the pros and cons of hormonal birth control, please join the discussion here.

Photography Lessons

When I'm not answering questions for Boundless, running sorties to the library, washing clothes or wiping noses, I love taking photographs. This semester, I had the added pleasure of teaching two students some photo basics for our homeschool co-op. Today, we're pulling together some of our favorite shots for an end-of-year presentation. Following are Becca's faves from our colors and patterns lesson.

Now for her best black and whites.

Through the Eyes of a Child

One of the benefits of having children is the way they help us see the world from a fresh perspective. Things we've seen so many times that we no longer really see them, are often a first for them. It's delightful share in their wonder. That was certainly the case on Sunday when we took a family trip to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo.

"Get Married Young" Week

That's what it looks like over on Boundless. Yesterday I answered a question from a Mom writing on behalf of her daughter who's 20. She's seriously dating a man 22 and they want to get married. Soon. Foolish, right? It's depends on who you ask. I wrote,

Despite a long history of young people getting married and having children during their prime season of fertility, conventional wisdom at this minute seems bent on the notion that the longer you wait to get married, the more prepared, self-aware, and divorce-proof you'll be.

Is such wisdom true?

A number of insightful articles and even a book have been released very recently that dispel those myths. There is nothing magical about the passage of time that makes you better prepared to get, or be, married. An intentional 20-year-old can be more ready to wed than a 30-year-old who's simply let time go by with no thought to becoming one in marriage. And it's often those who've walked away from an early proposal who are disappointed and frustrated that another (or a better one) hasn't materialized later on.

Age at first marriage matters. But it's not everything. And its effect is often overstated, or misconstrued. (You can read the full article here.)

Also on Boundless today is a 2-part article by Heather Koerner. In "I Got Married Young," she ponders (along with her husband Kevin) if they should have gotten married even earlier than they did.

Kevin thinks so.

"Do you think we should have gotten married younger?" [She asked him.]

"Absolutely," he called back, head still buried in the fridge.

"Really?" I was a little surprised by the quick confidence of his answer. In over a decade of marriage, I couldn't remember us ever discussing this before.

He took a break from his snack searching and turned around to where I was snuggled in with my laptop. "Well, of course," he repeated, "don't you?" [keep reading]

It's a good time to rethink our assumptions about age of first marriage. With so much data now showing the benefits of not waiting, we're free to be about forming families for God's glory sooner rather than later.

The Week in Pictures

It was a bittersweet moment Friday saying thank you and goodbye to the Dobsons after 33 years of serving families through Focus on the Family. Dr. Dobson is both champion and hero to me. What an honor to be able to tell him so! His farewell chapel message is now online. May God bless you and keep you!

Babies, Keep 'Em Coming

A few days ago I tweeted about Yitta Schwartz, a Holocaust survivor who had 16 children, and as the New York Times tribute put it, put her "thumb in the eye of the Nazis." How? By leaving behind 2,000 descendants when she died at 93. 2,000!

By virtue of saying yes to the blessing of children, she "may have generated one of the largest clans of of any survivor of the Holocaust."

I think she's a hero. Not everyone does. Someone commented on my tweet with, "Most people don't believe having 2000 living descendents at the time of your death is a good thing. We're not rats & cats."

I'm not surprised by such sentiments, just saddened. In our anti-natalist culture, it's tempting to look at babies as consequences to be avoided. But that's not how God sees them. Psalm 127:3-5 says,

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

It's not easy having a lot of kids. We just got back from a long visit with family where 10 of the 12 cousins were all together. It was busy, and noisy, and not always easily managed (to say the least). But in the messiness, was beauty.

Get married

Getting married is more than a lifestyle option or just something that would be "nice if it happens." Not only is marriage good and natural to want, it's what most of us are called to pursue. That's the message of Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happen.

There's a difference between making it happen and helping it happen. This isn't a book about desperation or the hyper activity of joining every dating service and singles group. It's not about making cold calls or tackling a list of 100 tips for meeting hot men.

Get Married is about living like you're planning to marry. It presents a lifestyle that esteems marriage, encourages men, empowers women, and embraces Christian community and a biblical understanding of what marriage is for. Most importantly, it shows women that marriage is a worthy goal that's within their grasp.

You can be content with where you are today and still desire marriage in a way that honors God. And there are things you can do to help it happen.

See all posts related to getting married.

ENDORSEMENTS

Candice Watters offers genuine help to Christians thinking about marriage, adulthood, and God's purpose for humanity.

R. Albert Mohler Jr., from the Foreword

A hopeful and empowering message for Christian women.

Danielle Crittenden, Author, What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us: Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Woman

Get Married is forceful, persuasive, and a must-read for today's Christian single.

Gary Thomas, Author, Sacred Marriage

Get Married not only brings healing and renewal to the Christian single confused by scriptural misinterpretation, it offers them practical advice to get to the altar.

Debbie Maken, Author, Getting Serious about Getting Married

WHAT READERS ARE SAYING

After reading your book, I finally had a breakthrough! I realized that it was not wrong for me to desire marriage, and that marriage is the normal state for most people. Your book also gave me great hope that I can do more than just pray, and not be too forward. For once in my life, I actually was hearing encouragement rather than discouragement about my desire to get married! It was truly a breath of fresh air!  --Molly

Thank you for writing Get Married. I Kissed Dating Goodbye-type messages were appropriate for me at 15 and 16, but at 23-years-old this is exactly what I (and other single women) need to hear. The applicable and practical advice of appropriately balancing God's role and our role in marrying well was fabulous. Thank you! --Emily

I just finished reading your awesome book. It was inspiring and enlightening to read, even the sections directed primarily toward women. It helped me have a better appreciation of what my Christian sisters go through. --Jeremy

I received your book as a 31st birthday present from my younger sister. I found it very encouraging, as well as practical. About a year ago, I felt prompted to make my future marriage a matter of daily prayer, and your book strengthened me in this resolve. Your writing has also encouraged me to be more open to set-ups or other unexpected avenues that God might want to use.

I liked the book so much, I lent it to my parents, who married early, and aren't sure how to encourage me in my prolonged singleness. They say little, but pray a lot. I think it's safe to say that they're suffering right along with me, and my four unmarried younger sisters. Since they read the book, I've already noticed more hope in our conversations on the subject, and I think they are praying with renewed faith. My dad really appreciated your lucid explanation of the fact that God calls most people to marriage. He said that everybody should read it, and even recommended it to our pastor. --Elisabeth

Ready to start the journey? Read the excerpt that follows, then order the book.

EXCERPT: "Marriage is Good"

You may have a hunch it's not as easy to get married as it once was. If so, you're right. Since 1970, the marriage rate has declined 50 percent. In that time, the proportion of American women ages 25–29 who have not married has quadrupled. Currently the average age of first marriages is 26 for women, 27 for men — as old as it's ever been. Conventional wisdom says later marriage means the bride and groom will be more prepared for the responsibilities of marriage, but many women are ready now. And they're frustrated by the delay. Sociologists blame the delay on the additional educational and career development necessary to marry well. Add to that the confusion over gender roles, cultural worship of youth, the lack of biblical literacy, uninvolved parents and extended family, the fallout from divorce, disengaged social circles, and an often silent church and you have the makings for much uncertainty. Women are left wondering, what's the best path to marriage?

... If in the midst of these cultural realities, "just pray and wait" sentiments leave you depressed, I think you'll be encouraged by the message of this book: there's something you can do.

Whether you're wondering if you'll ever get a date, stuck in a "just-friends" relationship or worried that the guy you've been seeing forever will never move toward marriage, this book offers help. It's for all the women who long for marriage but are afraid to admit it; embarrassed by their deepest desires or concerned that maybe they want it too much. It's for the parents of single women who wonder if there's anything they can do. And it's for married friends of singles who want to help but don't want to intrude.

This is not another book about seeking fulfillment in your singleness. As beings created in God's image; we were designed for relationship — that's why extended singleness leaves so many women discontent. It's also why we should be intentional about finding fulfillment in marriage. Getting married isn't just something that's "nice if it happens." It's what most of us are called to pursue.

Pursue, but not dominate. I'm not advocating getting married at all costs. But marrying well, for God's glory, is a worthy pursuit. There's a difference between making it happen and helping it happen. I'm not going to parrot the "girl-power," feminist worldview. Men have a key role to play. And how the single women they know relate to them has everything to do with their momentum toward marriage. This isn't a book about desperation or the hyper activity of joining every dating service and singles group. You won't find a list of 100 tips for meeting a hot man or five things you can do today to help you get married tomorrow.

What you will find is a way to live like you're planning to marry. Not just having a hope chest — but cultivating a lifestyle that is consistent with the season of marriage ahead. A life that's in harmony with God's work on your behalf. A life that nurtures men and the community around you to play their role so that you don't have to carry it all. Finally, you'll find in the context of this marriage-minded lifestyle a new confidence to pray like you never have — trusting that marriage is a goal within your grasp. You can risk hoping that you will get married. You really can help it happen.

Ready to learn how? Order now.

Taken from Get Married, Moody Publishers, © 2008 by Candice Watters.

Start your family

Starting a family is a soul-shaping, world-altering experience. Unfortunately, in a culture of competing values and protracted timelines, couples are increasingly backing their way into parenting or missing it altogether. By the time the average couple tries to have kids, they are often beyond their late twenties and surprised to learn they are sliding past the peak of their fertile years. In our book Start Your Family, we encourage couples to be intentional about their timeline in the early years of marriage and to trust God to help them boldly launch their families. Responding to the most common doubts and hurdles, we offer biblical inspiration for the questions, "Why have kids?," "When is the best time to start?" and "How can we fit kids into our lives?"

See all our blog posts on starting a family.

EXCERPTS

Why Have Kids? 

We of the Xer generations and following stop to ask, “Why?” We don’t just do things out of tradition or expectation. We don’t just have kids because that’s what’s expected or because it’s what our parents did. We’ve moved beyond that. We have kids as a statement, as a lifestyle choice. But the choice to have children now sits on a shelf in a growing supermarket of options leaving couples asking why that choice would be better than any other. More

When's the Right Time to Start our Family?

Most couples have some kind of timeline in mind for when it feels right to have a baby. Maybe it’s vague, maybe you haven’t talked it through as a couple to land on a precise target, but you likely have a sense of what you think needs to happen first and what conditions you think would be optimal for a good start. More

How Can We Fit Kids Into Our Lives?

Having a vision for why and when to start a family can give you new momentum, but you’ll need all the extra motivation you can find once you start thinking through the logistics, the how. This is the place where the things that might be stirring in your heart meet the practical questions from your head: “How can we afford this?” “How will this affect our work?” “How are we going to manage all the care a baby will need?” “How do we prepare a home for a baby?” More

REVIEWS

"Snuggling the Stork" in Christianity Today's Books and Culture, by Jenny Schroedel, author of Naming the Child

The Watters suggest that you don't have to have a water-tight plan or the funds for a Pottery Barn Nursery to begin the process of conception. Just begin. Begin where you are, Begin with hope: that's the message. Start Your Family is not a pregnancy manual or a preconception checkbook. It is a guide through the emotional, financial, and spiritual geography surrounding the choice to procreate. The Watters talk about the choices they wish they'd made differently as well the struggles and joys they experience daily as the parents of four children. (keep reading)

Review by Kevin DeYoung, author of Just Do Something

Start Your Family is a surprisingly good book. I say surprisingly not because I expected a bad book, but because I expected an overly-sentimental, "children are so awesome", lightweight kind of book. But this book is much better than that.

Review by Carolyn McCulley, author of Radical Womanhood

It's an engaging book, easy to read, and persuasive in its arguments. The foundation of the book is the idea that being intentional about starting a family is a good and godly thing. But because in the last half century, "choice has grown into one of our greatest commodities," many young couples see having children as a lifestyle choice and fail to understand the biblical reasons for having children.

Order your copy here.

ENDORSEMENTS

The appearance of Steve and Candice Watters' START YOUR FAMILY is a joyous event. They understand that God was serious in commanding the newly created man and woman to "be fruitful and multiply." The Watters correctly argue that starting a family remains "a soul-shaping, world altering experience." As Martin Luther once put it, the adventure of producing and bringing up children "is a kind of faint image...of that blessed living together" in Eden, a chance to participate in "the greatest work of God." Ably written and offering both practical advice and spiritual encouragement, START YOUR FAMILY should be read by every Christian couple entering into marriage or considering whether to start a family or have another child. —Allan Carlson, President, The Howard Center for Family, Religion and Society

This book is astutely wise. It cuts against the grain of weak and fearful thinking. It will startle you and free you to trust God with your family and your future. That's when you find what real life is all about. You can never afford to have kids--so why not trust God and get started?—Steve and Mary Farrar, authors of Point Man and King Me (Steve) andReading Your Male (Mary)

A remarkable, go-against-the-grain book, with wisdom, practical advice and biblical application bounding from every page. The Watters have written an emotionally aware and intellectually astute book that is as sensitive as it is compelling.—Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Marriage and Sacred Parenting

Just like "in the beginning," the family today is at the center of a great spiritual battle. Start Your Family will certainly inspire couples to reclaim the blessing of children and, through that, build a true culture of life.—Christopher West, fellow, Theology of the Body Institute, and author of The Love That Satisfies and Good News about Sex and Marriage

Wedding Fantasy, and Reality

I used to dream about what my wedding would be like; down to the yellow roses in my bouquet and dark grey morning coat of the groom's tuxedo. I was 12. It was fun to think about what might be. Anything and everything is possible when it's in your imagination, with only a stack of bride magazine to fuel the dream. Nothing as pesky as a budget to get in the way of that designer silk shantung gown.

It's a lot harder to make your dreams come true when faced with the limits of how much money you actually have to spend. Especially when family and friends have expectations of a huge guest list. And you don't. That's the setup for today's Boundless Answers column, Wedding Woes. The questioner writes,

We are set to get married in April 2010 but the money and family demands are driving us crazy. Initially we had agreed on a small wedding of up to 50 people, but as time went by and our families have been involved, this has grown to 200 guests and the budget is not what we can meet. We still want to honor our parents and invite all our relatives but it's becoming too expensive.

Thankfully this is both problem and opportunity with lots of room to resolve the conflict and improve the relationships. You can read my full reply here.

As for my own wedding, some of what I dreamt came true. But despite all the details that didn't match my girlhood dream -- for budget reasons, as well as changes in styles -- the real thing was much better than I had imagined. And that had everything to do with the man I married.

And you know that grey coat? It's the very one Steve picked out for his tuxedo!