How should you respond if a non-Christian asks you out?

Last week I answered a question from a woman who isn't sure how to turn down a date with an unbeliever. She wrote,

A few weeks ago a non-Christian asked me out. I didn't know he was interested in me, was taken off guard, and didn't know how to respond. I felt very uncomfortable saying, "Sorry, I won't spend time with you because you aren't a Christian." Instead, I made up a lame excuse and left. I'm sure that was not the best way to handle the situation. It certainly wasn't honest. What do you think is the most sensitive and loving way to explain that you only date other Christians?

It's a good question both because it reaffirms the biblical command to only date and marry believers, but also because it reminds us that some ways of saying no are better than others. I replied,

In order to follow through on your desire to date and marry a believer, you must love Christ above all else. He must be more valuable to you than any human relationship — He must be your greatest treasure. Then, rooted in His love and empowered by the Holy Spirit, you will not only have the ability to obey His commands, you will also be able to do so — including saying no to a date with an unbeliever — in ways that testify to your faith.

So what to do in this specific situation you’ve raised? In short, you should reply “No, thank you.” Said with a smile, those three little words are powerful for guarding you from all sorts of undesirable situations. ... sometimes it’s necessary to say more than that. I agree it’s not a good idea to say, “Sorry, I won't spend time with you because you aren't a Christian.” But you can certainly say, “As a Christian, I’m committed to dating only those who share my faith.” A response like this may cause a young man to stop and think, and may open his eyes to the Gospel.

You can read my full answer at Boundless.org.

Good News, Your Kids are Average

“Everybody thinks their kids are above average. But it can’t possibly be that way because it defies the category of average.” So said one of our friends, a father of eight. It's a needed corrective in our day of hyper-parenting, but no reason to set low expectations for your offspring. I didn't always feel that way about his observation. I tell the story of my change of heart in "Most of Our Children are Average." Here's a snippet:

Just because our kids are average, he says, “doesn’t mean they’re mediocre, or that they need to live a life of mediocrity. It just means we don’t need to bloat their ego or increase their narcissism.”

How then should we parent? How do we encourage our children to be good stewards, to work hard and to do their best in a way that’s not ego-centric? Paul tells us in Colossians 3:17, 23-24, And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. . . . Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

We must shift their focus from themselves to God and shift their motivation from self-glory to God’s glory. If your children have an interest or talent that sets them apart from their peers, thank God for it. And teach your children to do the same. Then encourage them to develop that skill to serve others. Everything they have is from the Lord. Nothing is theirs by their own doing. They (and you) have no reason to boast (1 Cor. 4:7). In fact, the expectation is higher, not for greater success, but for more faithful stewardship. To whom much is given, much will be required (Luke 12:48).

Read the full article at ERLC.com.

How can I break up with an unbelieving boyfriend without turning him off to the faith?

Last week I received an email from a woman wondering about the best way to break up with her unbelieving boyfriend. She wrote,

I have decided to break up with my non-Christian boyfriend. Should I tell him that my main reason for doing so is his lack of faith and thereby risk turning him off to Christianity forever? Or should I withhold this information so that he won't associate my faith with the pain of being dumped?

I care a lot about him, and I definitely want him to find God on his own someday. I'm just afraid that I will do or say something to jeopardize his journey. Is there a way to do this kindly and honestly without damaging his view of God?

I love getting questions like this, especially when they're full of faith in the God who convicts us of sin and gives us strength to obey. I replied,

I'm so thankful you're willing to do what's painful in order to obey God's Word (1 Corinthians 7:39, 2 Corinthians 6:14). This is evidence of the Holy Spirit's conviction. You're right that how you do this is important for how he perceives God. I don't think you should tell him your main reason for ending your romantic relationship is his lack of faith, however. Instead, I think you should tell him it's yours. ...

It's not your boyfriend's fault that this is ending so much as it's your responsibility that it began. As the believer in the relationship, you are the one who knows what God requires. If you're trusting in Christ's atoning work on the cross, you have the Spirit of Christ within you to empower you to obey. Rather than telling him it's over because of a faith he doesn't have — and risk a false conversion or, as you fear, a reason for him to be bitter about Christianity — explain that you were wrong to date him once you knew he didn't believe the Gospel. Tell him you're sorry for misleading him about your faith.

You can read my full answer at Boundless.org.

See the Bible's Big Story

It is no small feat to condense and summarize a 1,042 page book into just over 100 pages of artfully illustrated pages a child will want to sit on your lap and listen to you read aloud. Even more daunting is winsomely capturing the big theme that runs through those 66 diverse and complex books and making it understandable to a child without watering down its strength. That's what Kevin DeYoung has managed to do, along with illustrator Don Clark, in his new book, The Biggest Story: How the Snake Crusher Brings us Back to the Garden. It's hard to overstate the effectiveness of DeYoung's words -- the way he tells the whole story of the Bible in so few words ( the Bible is already a minimalist book that uses every word on purpose). But to see those words alongside such bold, vivid, and interesting illustrations is what makes it remarkable. DeYoung says of Clark's work, "Amazing. His illustrations are bright and captivating for a child, yet full of theological care and artistic sophistication for an adult to enjoy."

Here is a short clip that gives you the essence of a book that gives you the essence of the Bible. It's a shorter version of a short retelling with animated versions of the already eye-catching art. Watch it. And feel the power of the biggest story.

[embed]https://player.vimeo.com/video/135876132[/embed]

The Biggest Story isn't meant to be read instead of reading the Bible together as a family, but rather to help kids grasp the big ideas that tie everything in the Bible together. It's a compelling way to help your kids (and you) pick up the threads of sin, righteous wrath, and redemption that run from Genesis to Revelation.

Mei Fuh, a Treasure

In my recent search for living geography books I came across Little Pear, a short chapter book with whimsical illustrations about a boy growing up in a small Chinese village. Unlike dry textbooks, which are often written by a committee, living books are typically written by a single author who is passionate and knowledgable about his subject. Such books have a rich variety of vocabulary and are well written. Living books are memorable, lovable ways to learn about everything from history and literature, to math, music, and biology.

Before we were halfway done reading Little Pear aloud, however, we figured out the formula. The boy, Little Pear, is like an Asian Curious George. Every chapter is full of mischief but he never faces any consequences. As much as we wanted to learn about another culture in a faraway place, the lack of real-life cause-and-effect was disappointing. Even the dangers of running away from home to a big city, falling into a vast river, and lying to his parents resulted in happy coincidences, rescue, rewards, and increased privileges. Thankfully there are better books to choose from.

Enter Mei Fuh: Memories from China, an out-of-print treasure by Edith Schaeffer that I borrowed using our public library's interlibrary loan. The best kind of children's book is one that the youngest in the family loves nearly as much as the grown ups and big kids. Edith Schaeffer's Mei Fuh is such a book. A memoir of her life as a baby born in Wenchow China to missionary parens, Mei Fuh takes you into the life of a child who speaks more Chinese than English, knows how to eat rice and drink tea simultaneously, and has silk worms for pets.

Mei Fuh contain Schaeffer's earliest memories of life. Yet she adds the benefit of decades of reflection, and a Christian worldview, to delve into complex themes of private property and theft, love for nature and animals, and the sanctity of human life. Schaeffer weaves her memories into stories as skillfully as the Chinese woman who used her chopsticks to transform the silkworms' cocoons into luxurious silk for a dress.

As we read the book aloud, we felt the foreignness of being a stranger in a strange land. Schaeffer helped us feel what it was like to transition from the country of your birth to the country of your citizenship—how missionary life can resemble our residency on earth as citizens of heaven. These aren’t things Schaeffer tells her readers, but rather, her skillful stories show it. They left me drawing parallels, mulling over, meditating. Most memorable was God's providential care of the details—directing Schaeffer's birth in a far flung province of China, ordaining a childhood shaped by the customs and culture that would remain an influence on the rest of her life.

Having read Schaeffer's L'Abri before reading Mei Fuh, but both in the same year, I marveled to think that this twirling girl who loved the feel of smooth bamboo and the sights and smells of oiled umbrellas in a walled compound in Wenchow would grow up to the be the woman who would host so many seekers at the shelter, L'Abri. Her upbringing must have affected how she cooked, hosted guests, and thought about God's world and her place in it.

Moralizing books tell you what you should think. Elegant, living books show you such treasures through stories. They leave you asking questions and wanting to uncover the truth.

How can I tactfully let people know my desire for marriage?

When I was single, I was embarrassed to admit my desire for marriage because it felt like an admission of defeat. Thankfully God sent an older, wiser woman to help me see the benefits of enlisting help and letting people know that I hoped to marry one day. What does it look like to express the God-given desire for marriage in a way that doesn't come across too strong? Following is my answer to this question from a 26-year-old professional single woman. Q: I am pursuing an exciting career — but one that I would be willing to put aside to get married and start a family. It is my ultimate goal to bring God glory whether married or single, and since I am single right now, I am enjoying pursuing a professional goal.

However, at times I am suspicious that my current career focus may be getting in the way of being able to realize my marriage-and-family dream. Since I've embarked on my professional journey, I have been asked out much less, and my interactions with guys have turned much more professional. I find that the young men in my life show a high respect for me and give me support and affirmation in my professional journey (which I'm thankful for) but not much romantic interest.

How can I balance professional goals but also tactfully make it known that I want to be married?

A: The desire to let eligible men know you're interested in marriage without sounding desperate has long been a dance between grace and wit, but lately, it's gotten even trickier. In earlier times, marriage was the hope and goal of most women. It was the cornerstone for men and women, the foundation upon which adulthood was built.

Increasingly though, marriage researchers say it's the capstone, the final flourish added to the already completed structure. Many in our culture, while not happy about this trend, are willingly following the script that makes it so. Women are excelling in college and grad school, out-earning their male peers, and delaying marriage. The more they're cheered for doing so, the harder it is to prioritize marriage.

But it's not impossible. <Click here to read the full answer.>

Sea dragons, a desperate quest, and a final battle carry Warden and the Wolf King to the end of the Wingfeather Saga

by Harrison and Zoe Watters

Today the Warden and the Wolf King was released broadly. In Wolf King Andrew Peterson weaves a treacherous journey toward a glorious resolution of the Wingfeather Saga. The collection of books is a saga, of course, because it's the fourth in the series and "The Wingfeather Quadlogy" doesn't roll off the tongue so well. It's also a saga in that it fulfills every word of the definition of a saga--a "long story of heroic achievement." For those who may be new to the saga, let's go back to 2008 where Peterson begins On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness:

Just outside the town of Glipwood, perched near the edge of the cliffs above the Dark Sea, sat a little cottage where lived the Igiby family... [A]nd except for all the good, warm things that filled their days there like cider in a mug on a winter night, they were quite miserable. Quite miserable indeed, in that land where walked the Fangs of Dang.

In a world where man-sized lizards rule over all, and where deadly toothy cows rampage Glipwood Forest, Janner, Tink and Leeli (the Igiby children), live their relatively boring lives. The only thing that takes away the monotony is the annual "Dragon Day Festival" held in the nearby Glipwood Township. On the day of the festival, the small town overflows with visitors from haughty Torboro and grimy, thieving Dugtown. Visitors swamp "The Only Inn (Glipwood's only inn)" and fill the Green with tents. It's there at the festival the Igiby children make enemies with Slarb, one of the deadly Fangs of Dang, starting an uncontrollable chain of events which will destroy the life they hold dear and set them on the run to the only safe place left in Skree: the Ice Prairies. Many miles north of Glipwood, the barren Ice Prairies are the only place where the Lizards can't survive. But when a menace arrives from Dang, even the snowbound wasteland isn't safe from the monsters.

Each adventure in the saga shows the Igiby children seeking to evade the monsters and growing in courage and faith in the maker along the way. And now in Warden in the Wolf King we find them along with the valiant warriors of the Green Hollows in an all-out struggle with the monsters of Throg. Janner, the warden is challenged to protect his brother, the wolf king. Tink, also known as Kalmar, must destroy Gnag before the wolf inside destroys him. And Leeli must play her whistle harp to defend the Hollows from the fearsome Bat fangs. Together, they must save what little of the world is left to defend against the minions of Gnag.

I [Harrison] was hooked from the first chapter and raced through the 519 page book in two days. With each cliffhanger I quickly turned the page only to find the story shifting again and drawing me further in. I felt the pain of Kalmer, the courage of Janner, and the endurance of Leeli. I also felt (as I believe any reader could) great indignation for Gnag the Nameless and Treacherous Bonifor Squoon. As happens with the best books, their story became my story as I read. I hope they become your story as well.

I [Zoe] found Warden and the Wolf King to be an adventurous page-turner with a wonderful ending to a dangerous, unexpected journey. As we come to the end of this saga, I hope this book (and the whole series) will entertain and encourage you. Oh, and watch out for the toothy cows.

Our family enjoyed the opportunity to be personally invested in this final book in the saga when Andrew Peterson decided to launch a “Wingfeather Kickstarter Campaign” to finance book publishing. We were glad we came in at the Cave Blat level with our pledge of $35 because it not only provided us with a book and an e-book, but also with incentives for "stretch goals" (additional books, audio books, a map, etc.). Within a day of launching the campaign, Peterson met the first of six stretch goals and within a week he passed four others. By the end of the campaign, supporters  helped Peterson reach all six original goals along with two added toward the end. Wingfeather fans covered the $14,000 initial goal and then pushed it beyond $90,000.

Now after over two years of intensive writing and many years of dreaming, Peterson’s Wingfeather saga is complete. The saga that gave us fangs, toothy cows, cheesy chowder and “Get the Boot” has finally come to an end. Right?

Help for the Risks We're Called to Take

by Harrison Watters

It's easy for me to admire people like Ernest Shackleton, John F. Kennedy, and Harriet Beecher Stowe for the way they overcame the odds and survived a near-death trip to the south pole (Shackleton), swam two miles towing a wounded soldier away from a sinking ship (Kennedy), and challenged the status-quo on salvery by writing the book that President Lincoln purportedly said started the Civil War (Stowe). Even more so, as a Christian, I am inspired by men and women of Christ like Jim Elliot, Amy Carmichael, and William Booth, who by the power of the Spirit, took the gospel to Ecuador, India, and England (respectively).

What about you? Who are your heroes? I suspect we admire them in part because we would love to be like them in courage and endurance. But if we are honest with ourselves, we know that we wouldn't be able to do those things. You watch movies like, "End of the Spear," and think, "Wow! How did he do that? I'm glad I'll never be in his shoes!" In quiet, middle-class America, it's hard to think of risking all, of letting go of our lives for anything. Just keep plugging away at the job, have a nice home, wife, a couple of kids, two cars, and regular vacations and life will be great. Live the simple life.

These aren't bad things--some of us have been blessed by God with these things. We won't necessarily be called to missions, but we still need to be faithful to the work we are called to do.

As Christians, we are called to something greater than we could ever think of on our own--"something awesome." Which is exactly what Owen Strachan, professor of church history at Boyce College in Louisville, KY, shows us in his book, Risky Gospel. Strachan makes it clear that risk is precisely what we must do, but that we can't do it on our own. We need someone to help us do the works God has prepared for us. "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works,which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them" (Ephesians 2:10).

We are called by the Master to do His work. It won't be easy or comfortable, but we must do it. Strachan says, "We will have 'tribulation,' which means pain, hardship, suffering. I don't know what you were promised when you became a believer, but this is Jesus' promise to us." But it's not without comfort. "God doesn't leave us alone. He calls to a great mission, offers us tremendous adventure, but then surprises us by telling is that he will be right beside us."

Strachan shows how believers can make a difference in the broad categories of faith, identity, spirituality, family, vocation, church life, evangelism, public witness, and finally, failure.

In the late 1800s a seemingly unknown man by the name of Henry Crowell founded the highly succesfull Quaker Oats company in Ravenna Ohio. Over the years, that company has grown to be one of the leading cereal producers in America. But unlike most wealthy entrepreneurs, Crowell wasn't intrested in creating a monopoly or racking up ten-digit numbers in his bank accounts. He was more concerned about furthering the Kingdom of Christ on earth. (That may be the reason he is so unknown by today's generation. Those who do the work of Christ are bound to be shunned by the world.) This is just one person Strachan brings to our attention in the pages of his book.

We are surrounded by heros of the faith who faithfully do the work God has given them to do, whether that be ministering in poor communities or serving in a health clinic, teaching children in a classroom or around their kitchen table, waiting tables or stocking shelves. We are called especially to be faithful to Christ in our vocations and workplaces, in our families and friendships and in our churches. To be a faithful witness to a coworker, to a brother or sister, to a fellow churchmember, is a beautiful thing in the eyes of God.

The stakes are high: risk all and gain everything, risk nothing and lose everything. Jesus said, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" (Matthew 10:39).

Read this book, then ask yourself, what are you willing to risk for the cause of Christ?

Harrison Watters is the eldest son of Steve and Candice Watters and an avid reader. This is his first contribution to the blog.

It’s already sticky

Though many of the local churches in our town canceled services two weeks ago due to heavy snowfall and freezing rain, we ventured out after hearing that ours would be open for as many as could make it. It was the perfect morning to wear the super soft fleece I’d bought on sale while shopping for Christmas presents for other people.

It was palest cloud blue and perfect for the frigid cold outside. Sometime during the service I realized I was maybe a little too excited about my new purchase, knowing that it’s just stuff. I heard a phrase in my head that Steve and I often use to remind ourselves of the fleeting nature of possessions: it’s already sticky. As in, no matter how pristine and new something is the moment you take it out of the packaging, it will only be a matter of days, hours, or even minutes before it’s broken, dirty, or as is more likely in a home filled with small children — sticky.

Fast forward to dinnertime. We were sitting around the table eating a festive meal with Christmas music playing in the background when suddenly, I felt the spray of an entire bottle of Sprite exploding beside me. It turns out our son thought it made soda even more fizzy if you shake the bottle before you open it. Indeed it does! While that may be a nifty trick for a near-flat bottle of soda, for one only two days old, it’s a disaster.

I had to laugh. But not before I nearly exploded myself. My new fleece! Only hours old and IT'S ALREADY STICKY!

Later that night, our five year old said during our family prayer time that he’s thankful for God’s kindness. I agree. His kindness is meant to lead us to repentance (Romans 2:4). God used the misguided notion that pop should be shaken before opening, in His kindness, to remind me that I needed to repent for making too much of a sweatshirt. And for that, I am thankful.

Key to the Christian Life: Be Fruitful

What's the essential message to guide you in all of life—a simple encouragement bringing clarity for Christians wondering what to do with their life or seek direction in work, in education, in relationships, and in ministry calling?

Consider the first two words the Bible records God speaking to mankind. It's a call He issues throughout the whole Bible: "Be fruitful."

Fruitfulness is what God expects of His creation, the evidence that we are Christ's disciples, and what glorifies the Father.

Are you fruitful? Perhaps the greatest impediment to fruitfulness is that we are notoriously conditioned to be consumers.

Our souls need the truth Jesus revealed to His disciples the night of the Last Supper:

I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. ... As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:5)

Keep Reading at Boundless.org.