Men Aren't the Problem, Sin Is

It's easy to see the sin in people around us. Especially when it causes us pain. For single women, the temptation is to see all the failings of single men and think "they're the reason I'm not married!" What's harder is looking objectively at sin in our own hearts. That's the subject of my article published today on Boundless called "The Trouble with Men is the Same Trouble with Women." I wrote,

We're quick to notice where men stumble — abdicating their responsibility, abusing their authority, being passive and failing at work — but in our culture, the thing that God said would be a curse on women — desiring to use their strength to displace men — is the very thing our culture esteems. We praise the achievements of women, even when they come at the expense of men. But life isn't a competition, a cosmic matchup of boys vs. girls. We need each other. And for those of us who believe in Christian marriage, especially so.

I hope this article will help single men and women who grew up in a unisex culture figure out how to get married in a way that is consistent with God's design.

If you're already married and are the parents of boys and girls, now is the time to help them think biblically about what it means to be created male and female, with the same essence, but different purposes. I appreciate this article by Doug Phillips because it helps me think more deeply about my own tendency toward unisex child rearing. Turns out it's not helpful. I suspect a lot of frustrated singles would agree.

Here's a snippet:

While boys have to be taught to be protective of their sisters, girls have to be taught to expect that protection. This has to be done in a way that does not inculcate a pampered "entitlement" mindset, but more like a grounding in the way the permanent things are. The differences between the sexes are just there, like gravity.

Boys should be taught that they are to protect their sisters "from the dragon," and the very first thing this means is that they must refrain from turning into the dragon themselves. When the protector turns into the very thing that protection is needed from, the result for the girl involved is nightmarish. ...

There are many marriage problems that began as untended squabbles between siblings.

I hope you'll take a few minutes to read both articles.

Just Enough Snow

Spring arrives early in Kentucky. That's one of our favorite things about moving here from Colorado. About the time we'd be digging out of our biggest snowstorm back in Colorado, the crocuses are pushing up the earth in our flower beds. But not as early as February. Last week's short snow storm provided some early morning snow play.

There was just enough snow for sledding.

For snowballs.

Enough even for snowmen.

It's a good thing we got outside when we did. Because it was just enough.

Faught Family Photos

I like alliteration. The way closely connection words flow when they start with the same sound. How about the way closely connected people come together to capture a moment in time? Even better.

Dalrymple Family

Let the family-photographs-for-Christmas-cards season begin! First up, our friends and neighbors, the Dalrymples.

Springtime In Kentucky

What Size Family?

Is it possible to have too many babies? That's the question I answered this week on Boundless. The woman asking wrote,

My older sister is pregnant with her fourth baby and excited about growing her family. She and I were talking last night about family size, and it got me thinking about how many children are too many and if that is even possible — to have “too many” children.

If we believe in a completely sovereign and good God, what are the implications of that on determining how many children are in a family? Many say we are to use wisdom in determining the size of our family, but how is that consistent with completely trusting God's sovereignty in every area of our lives? I struggle to understand this, and I really want my perspective to be the same as God's and not tainted by my own preference or opinion.

God is in control of all things, especially which eternal souls are born into the world and when and to whom. Just like He can keep some from ever conceiving, can't He determine when a family has the right amount of children and close the womb? If so, why don't we trust Him to do that?

The rest of her question, along with my response, is over at Boundless.org.

Keeping the Home Fires Burning

Yesterday I tried to build a fire in the fireplace and it blazed away, till the paper and fat wood had burned through. “Keep an eye on it honey, or it’ll die out after it roars through your kindling,” Steve said while we talked on the phone. Check. This morning I asked Steve to build me a fire before he left for the office.

Thanks honey! It’s blazing. Still. And we’re on our ninth stick of firewood. I love sunny blue skies and crisp, dry winters, with a gas fireplace ready-at-the-flip-of-a-switch Colorado-style. But since we’re no longer in Colorado, I’ll take a roaring fire to keep the overcast, icy, bitter-cold-Kentucky winter company.

Besides, now it's snowing. Sideways. Better get the sleds ready.

Snow Globe

Whining for a White Christmas

A few days ago, our kids made Christmas wish lists, excitedly handed them to me, and with equal parts naiveté and ignorant bliss, seamlessly shifted to full-on expectation mode. They're at rest knowing we'll do all in our power as their parents to make their dreams come true. A few weeks ago, just days after we arrived in Kentucky, I saw tweets from friends back in Colorado that the first snowfall had begun. Outside my window, it was sunny, warm, and gorgeous. But I was glum. Few things elevate my spirits more than snowfall in winter. And in Colorado, my spirits were uplifted a lot. Rather than take my heartache to God in prayer, I sulked. He moved us here. He loves us. And He gives good gifts to His children. But it seemed silly to ask Him for snow here in the south. I assumed we'd left the white beauty behind.

This morning I was praying about my ingratitude and lack of faith. I even thought about my desire for snow and how selfish and childish it is to pout over rain in December. I reminded myself of a kid I saw at Target who spotted a box of Legos and demanded it, only to be denied. The scene escalated quickly, with great volume, till nearly everyone in the store was uncomfortably aware of the showdown. With fists clenched he melted down in tantrum. Pity the mother who gives in at this point. To get what you want after demanding it in anger is to teach that tantrums are what satisfy.

I'm too often like that belligerent child. When I don't trust God, I miss out on the joy of seeing Him act and witnessing His provision. Instead, I find myself receiving the gift when it does come--as it so often does--with sorrow. In those moments I'm most aware of my doubt and fear, when what I should be focused on is His goodness and grace. It's humbling. How much better to have humility in the waiting, in the absence and lack; a humility characterized by childlike faith. I want to wait in expectation, fully convinced that God is able to answer my prayers, and as loving Father, does. Ultimately it's not the gift that satisfies, but Him.

I want to be like our kids with their wish lists, not like the boy at the Target. When I wait in faith, the answers God gives are sweet, even when they're not what I imagined they'd be.

He is good.

And sometimes His answers are even better than I'd hoped for.

I'm sorry today for my doubt and fear and disappointment. But also, I'm reminded of His kindness and grace. So far, on this 4th Day of December, we've had snowflakes falling three of the four days. What a sweet gift--one I long to receive with delight over His goodness, rather than embarrassment over my faithlessness.

Thanks to our kids' earnest pleas to head outside at the first light of dawn, this morning I did.

“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them (Mark 10:14-16).