How should you respond if a non-Christian asks you out?

Last week I answered a question from a woman who isn't sure how to turn down a date with an unbeliever. She wrote,

A few weeks ago a non-Christian asked me out. I didn't know he was interested in me, was taken off guard, and didn't know how to respond. I felt very uncomfortable saying, "Sorry, I won't spend time with you because you aren't a Christian." Instead, I made up a lame excuse and left. I'm sure that was not the best way to handle the situation. It certainly wasn't honest. What do you think is the most sensitive and loving way to explain that you only date other Christians?

It's a good question both because it reaffirms the biblical command to only date and marry believers, but also because it reminds us that some ways of saying no are better than others. I replied,

In order to follow through on your desire to date and marry a believer, you must love Christ above all else. He must be more valuable to you than any human relationship — He must be your greatest treasure. Then, rooted in His love and empowered by the Holy Spirit, you will not only have the ability to obey His commands, you will also be able to do so — including saying no to a date with an unbeliever — in ways that testify to your faith.

So what to do in this specific situation you’ve raised? In short, you should reply “No, thank you.” Said with a smile, those three little words are powerful for guarding you from all sorts of undesirable situations. ... sometimes it’s necessary to say more than that. I agree it’s not a good idea to say, “Sorry, I won't spend time with you because you aren't a Christian.” But you can certainly say, “As a Christian, I’m committed to dating only those who share my faith.” A response like this may cause a young man to stop and think, and may open his eyes to the Gospel.

You can read my full answer at Boundless.org.

Good News, Your Kids are Average

“Everybody thinks their kids are above average. But it can’t possibly be that way because it defies the category of average.” So said one of our friends, a father of eight. It's a needed corrective in our day of hyper-parenting, but no reason to set low expectations for your offspring. I didn't always feel that way about his observation. I tell the story of my change of heart in "Most of Our Children are Average." Here's a snippet:

Just because our kids are average, he says, “doesn’t mean they’re mediocre, or that they need to live a life of mediocrity. It just means we don’t need to bloat their ego or increase their narcissism.”

How then should we parent? How do we encourage our children to be good stewards, to work hard and to do their best in a way that’s not ego-centric? Paul tells us in Colossians 3:17, 23-24, And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. . . . Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

We must shift their focus from themselves to God and shift their motivation from self-glory to God’s glory. If your children have an interest or talent that sets them apart from their peers, thank God for it. And teach your children to do the same. Then encourage them to develop that skill to serve others. Everything they have is from the Lord. Nothing is theirs by their own doing. They (and you) have no reason to boast (1 Cor. 4:7). In fact, the expectation is higher, not for greater success, but for more faithful stewardship. To whom much is given, much will be required (Luke 12:48).

Read the full article at ERLC.com.

How can I break up with an unbelieving boyfriend without turning him off to the faith?

Last week I received an email from a woman wondering about the best way to break up with her unbelieving boyfriend. She wrote,

I have decided to break up with my non-Christian boyfriend. Should I tell him that my main reason for doing so is his lack of faith and thereby risk turning him off to Christianity forever? Or should I withhold this information so that he won't associate my faith with the pain of being dumped?

I care a lot about him, and I definitely want him to find God on his own someday. I'm just afraid that I will do or say something to jeopardize his journey. Is there a way to do this kindly and honestly without damaging his view of God?

I love getting questions like this, especially when they're full of faith in the God who convicts us of sin and gives us strength to obey. I replied,

I'm so thankful you're willing to do what's painful in order to obey God's Word (1 Corinthians 7:39, 2 Corinthians 6:14). This is evidence of the Holy Spirit's conviction. You're right that how you do this is important for how he perceives God. I don't think you should tell him your main reason for ending your romantic relationship is his lack of faith, however. Instead, I think you should tell him it's yours. ...

It's not your boyfriend's fault that this is ending so much as it's your responsibility that it began. As the believer in the relationship, you are the one who knows what God requires. If you're trusting in Christ's atoning work on the cross, you have the Spirit of Christ within you to empower you to obey. Rather than telling him it's over because of a faith he doesn't have — and risk a false conversion or, as you fear, a reason for him to be bitter about Christianity — explain that you were wrong to date him once you knew he didn't believe the Gospel. Tell him you're sorry for misleading him about your faith.

You can read my full answer at Boundless.org.

See the Bible's Big Story

It is no small feat to condense and summarize a 1,042 page book into just over 100 pages of artfully illustrated pages a child will want to sit on your lap and listen to you read aloud. Even more daunting is winsomely capturing the big theme that runs through those 66 diverse and complex books and making it understandable to a child without watering down its strength. That's what Kevin DeYoung has managed to do, along with illustrator Don Clark, in his new book, The Biggest Story: How the Snake Crusher Brings us Back to the Garden. It's hard to overstate the effectiveness of DeYoung's words -- the way he tells the whole story of the Bible in so few words ( the Bible is already a minimalist book that uses every word on purpose). But to see those words alongside such bold, vivid, and interesting illustrations is what makes it remarkable. DeYoung says of Clark's work, "Amazing. His illustrations are bright and captivating for a child, yet full of theological care and artistic sophistication for an adult to enjoy."

Here is a short clip that gives you the essence of a book that gives you the essence of the Bible. It's a shorter version of a short retelling with animated versions of the already eye-catching art. Watch it. And feel the power of the biggest story.

[embed]https://player.vimeo.com/video/135876132[/embed]

The Biggest Story isn't meant to be read instead of reading the Bible together as a family, but rather to help kids grasp the big ideas that tie everything in the Bible together. It's a compelling way to help your kids (and you) pick up the threads of sin, righteous wrath, and redemption that run from Genesis to Revelation.

Mei Fuh, a Treasure

In my recent search for living geography books I came across Little Pear, a short chapter book with whimsical illustrations about a boy growing up in a small Chinese village. Unlike dry textbooks, which are often written by a committee, living books are typically written by a single author who is passionate and knowledgable about his subject. Such books have a rich variety of vocabulary and are well written. Living books are memorable, lovable ways to learn about everything from history and literature, to math, music, and biology.

Before we were halfway done reading Little Pear aloud, however, we figured out the formula. The boy, Little Pear, is like an Asian Curious George. Every chapter is full of mischief but he never faces any consequences. As much as we wanted to learn about another culture in a faraway place, the lack of real-life cause-and-effect was disappointing. Even the dangers of running away from home to a big city, falling into a vast river, and lying to his parents resulted in happy coincidences, rescue, rewards, and increased privileges. Thankfully there are better books to choose from.

Enter Mei Fuh: Memories from China, an out-of-print treasure by Edith Schaeffer that I borrowed using our public library's interlibrary loan. The best kind of children's book is one that the youngest in the family loves nearly as much as the grown ups and big kids. Edith Schaeffer's Mei Fuh is such a book. A memoir of her life as a baby born in Wenchow China to missionary parens, Mei Fuh takes you into the life of a child who speaks more Chinese than English, knows how to eat rice and drink tea simultaneously, and has silk worms for pets.

Mei Fuh contain Schaeffer's earliest memories of life. Yet she adds the benefit of decades of reflection, and a Christian worldview, to delve into complex themes of private property and theft, love for nature and animals, and the sanctity of human life. Schaeffer weaves her memories into stories as skillfully as the Chinese woman who used her chopsticks to transform the silkworms' cocoons into luxurious silk for a dress.

As we read the book aloud, we felt the foreignness of being a stranger in a strange land. Schaeffer helped us feel what it was like to transition from the country of your birth to the country of your citizenship—how missionary life can resemble our residency on earth as citizens of heaven. These aren’t things Schaeffer tells her readers, but rather, her skillful stories show it. They left me drawing parallels, mulling over, meditating. Most memorable was God's providential care of the details—directing Schaeffer's birth in a far flung province of China, ordaining a childhood shaped by the customs and culture that would remain an influence on the rest of her life.

Having read Schaeffer's L'Abri before reading Mei Fuh, but both in the same year, I marveled to think that this twirling girl who loved the feel of smooth bamboo and the sights and smells of oiled umbrellas in a walled compound in Wenchow would grow up to the be the woman who would host so many seekers at the shelter, L'Abri. Her upbringing must have affected how she cooked, hosted guests, and thought about God's world and her place in it.

Moralizing books tell you what you should think. Elegant, living books show you such treasures through stories. They leave you asking questions and wanting to uncover the truth.

How can I tactfully let people know my desire for marriage?

When I was single, I was embarrassed to admit my desire for marriage because it felt like an admission of defeat. Thankfully God sent an older, wiser woman to help me see the benefits of enlisting help and letting people know that I hoped to marry one day. What does it look like to express the God-given desire for marriage in a way that doesn't come across too strong? Following is my answer to this question from a 26-year-old professional single woman. Q: I am pursuing an exciting career — but one that I would be willing to put aside to get married and start a family. It is my ultimate goal to bring God glory whether married or single, and since I am single right now, I am enjoying pursuing a professional goal.

However, at times I am suspicious that my current career focus may be getting in the way of being able to realize my marriage-and-family dream. Since I've embarked on my professional journey, I have been asked out much less, and my interactions with guys have turned much more professional. I find that the young men in my life show a high respect for me and give me support and affirmation in my professional journey (which I'm thankful for) but not much romantic interest.

How can I balance professional goals but also tactfully make it known that I want to be married?

A: The desire to let eligible men know you're interested in marriage without sounding desperate has long been a dance between grace and wit, but lately, it's gotten even trickier. In earlier times, marriage was the hope and goal of most women. It was the cornerstone for men and women, the foundation upon which adulthood was built.

Increasingly though, marriage researchers say it's the capstone, the final flourish added to the already completed structure. Many in our culture, while not happy about this trend, are willingly following the script that makes it so. Women are excelling in college and grad school, out-earning their male peers, and delaying marriage. The more they're cheered for doing so, the harder it is to prioritize marriage.

But it's not impossible. <Click here to read the full answer.>